pride rock is eroding

Our senior nurse had to manage the other ward with no nurse on duty so she left our ward since there were 2 of us "contractual" nurses on duty. We had the head nurse on the other ward as our senior nurse. I am not in good terms with that sir (I don't know why) because there was this one incident wherein my senior nurse didn't report on duty so he was a nurse-reliever in the ward and he didn't even go to check how our patients were; I didn't see a shadow of him for that 8 hours and it was a toxic day because we had a weak patient. So back to the story, sir was basically our nurse so we should report to him whatever incident happened in the ward. Our "original" senior nurse always checked on us and we reported to her the "significant" events in the ward. It was 12:50pm when one of our patient slipped and hit her right elbow on the tiled bench at the pantry. Our original nurse was in the ward that time so we told her about the accident and instructed us on what to do. We referred the patient to the physician on duty through phone and he instructed us to make an accident report and bring the patient's chart to him and to just observe the patient. We accomplished the report and was on our way to sir when one of our attendants called our attention and told us to hand her the chart immediately because the van she called was already there. We gave her the chart and she went to the physician. We were hesitant if we should inform sir because we didn't have the report and the chart but in the end we did because he's still our senior nurse. We went to his ward and told him about the accident. He was a bit shocked that everything was almost done - the report, referral, doctor's order. Fast forward. The attendant came back with the chart and doctor's order in it. I carried out the order while my partner decked the order. Sir read the report and told me to add this and that (accident report accomplished. proper authorities notified). I was hesitant because in our training, the assistant chief nurse told us that those are not needed because that paper is already the accident report and that it is understood that the report would be sent to proper authorities since it has the patient's informant's address on it. I wanted to told him that but I know it's just my pride that I didn't want to look wrong. I added what he said but I was really $^%$%# (couldn't think of a word). My pride was hurt; I looked like an incompetent fool and I knew that I was right. I really didn't like the feeling and I was in rage deep down. I didn't hate sir but I didn't like him at all. He gave me cold shoulders (and I don't know why! poor eye contact noted!) and I felt like he displaced to me whatever issue he has. There was so much anger and pride in my heart. I said things about him which were disrespectful and inappropriate. I was mad, really mad because my right was violated or so I thought.

Fast forward.

I was having my quiet time with God and I was still bothered and couldn't let go of what happened. Then God convicted me and revealed that there's so much pride in my heart. I think too much of myself, think too highly of myself that I felt violated.
God reminded me that it's Jesus who lives in me and it's not me anymore so I should stop focusing on myself. It was hard to accept. Me? a proud person? ang bait ko kaya sabi ng madami. Tsaka tama naman ako e.. But God told me, "O anu yan? Hindi ba pagiging proud yan?"  It was a blow in the face. I profess that I am a follower of Christ but I don't live His life.
I asked God to strip me off my pride and to help me unload my anger, to help me forgive sir and myself and to let it go, to surrender this to Him.
Right now I don't know if I arrived to that place where I totally let go of this incident's baggage on the Cross but I really want to. I think I can only know that when I see him tomorrow.

I am amazed at how God loves. He sees my heart, every nook and cranny of my being. I am in awe at how Jesus can live in me with all these junks. But then as I am writing this, God reminded me that He redeemed me through Jesus' blood and that Jesus' righteousness is what He sees in me. Yes He knows every detail of me, every part of me, but he loves me.

In response to His love, I want to live for God, really live for God. It won't be easy; it is impossible. I've accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior since I was young and my journey's not all smooth. There were bumps, uphills, and downhills but as I looked back I saw how God was with me through all those. I am still standing today because of His grace and goodness. He is with me. Jesus is in me.

Psalm 8:3-4

When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place, 

what is mankind that you are mindful of them,

    human beings that you care for them?