the boy in the cupboard under the stairs

It started (well not really the beginning) with a letter Harry received on his 11th birthday. 

 

(Actually, I just wanted to put that image hahaha...the next line is really my intro XD)

Harry felt a great leap of excitement. He didn't know what he was going to – but it had to be better than what he was leaving behind

-Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

This was when Harry first boarded Hogwarts Express. All his life he spent it with the Dursleys and it was nothing but plain boring, monotonous (maybe except for days when something odd took place like when he freed the snake). For the first time in his dear life he felt the excitement similar to when you're young and your parents brought you to Disneyland where it seemed like a whole new world was in front of you, like you're living in a dream made into reality. 


 


Everything was new to Harry. He didn't know he's a wizard. All he knew was that his parents died from a car accident (which is another lie from the Dursley) and he'll spend the rest of his life with the Dursleys who don't treat him like family or any better than slave. 

Harry didn't know he's destined for greatness. He didn't know he's born a royalty of some sort. He didn't know he's more than the boy in the cupboard under the stairs. He didn't know that at the very moment he received his lightning scar, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: ‘To Harry Potter – the boy who lived!’

I wonder what if Dumbledore didn't mind about Harry? What if he'd forgotten that he left a child in Privet Drive? What if Hagrid didn't go the extra mile to deliver Harry his letter? And what if Harry didn't believe in all that Hagrid's told him? That he's the Harry Potter, the celebrity-slash-hero in wizarding world. He probably wouldn't go to King's Cross, wouldn't risk his head being hit on solid wall, wouldn't meet the Weasleys, and probably wouldn't feel the excitement he felt when he believed what seemed to be unbelievable, surreal.

And I wonder if we're the same as he's? What if we cast our fears and venture into the impossible? What if we started living out our dreams and hopes? What if the impossible is just waiting for you to make it possible? What if you're destined for greatness? An adventure fitted and plotted just for you.

I know you are. You are a unique individual in this wonderful world. You exist because Someone wills that you exist and yes you have a purpose, a purpose grander and greater. God wills that you exist and more than existing but living.

pan

There could not have been a lovelier sight, but there was none to see it except a strange boy who was staring in at the window. Peter Pan had countless joys that other children can never know, but he was looking at the one joy from which he must be forever barred. 

-Peter Pan, 2003

 

Oh the days of paper dolls and sword sticks

I was reading my 2011 wall posts and it brought back memories. I had a loud year. Almost everyday my friends posted on my wall and it was not just a hi-hello post but rather the one with substance, one that's built over years of friendship. I miss those younger days where you're a carefree soul in this vast creation, where a Disney's movie could make you think of life, where sardines and rice were enough when your wallet's crying for justice. I miss those good old days with friends where you watched films and tried hard to wipe your tears secretly so that no one would notice that you've been greatly affected by the film and knowing in the end that all of you were trying to hide your tear-stained eyes. I miss bummer days, no work and wallet's almost empty but still you're happy and satisfied with the simple joys of life; contentment at its simplest.

I miss long midnight talks over the phone (good thing there's unli call and telephones are still functional). I miss the bad radiation that brought life together. I once told my friend that I miss the radiation cellphones bring. Yes the radiation that's bad for the health but good for the relationship. I sometimes wonder if I ever regret having those late night talks because I'm missing it now but then again I should be thankful and I am that it was part of my life even for a short time.

I miss the days before I entered the corporate world, days when time seemed yours and unlimited, where music never stopped and your feet never got tired from dancing, where night couldn't stop you from adventures, where you could run and laugh and no one cared.

With these, I just want to say that I miss being a kid. A kid who trusts and loves extravagantly. A kid who doesn't worry about tomorrow for she knows her Father is in control. A kid who trusts and believes that people are meant to be good. A kid who's not afraid to love and be loved. A kid who doesn't doubt the goodness in every person. A kid who's so secure with her identity. A kid who believes that she's beautiful. A kid who fully depends on her Father. A kid who's not in need of anything and not scared and anxious of life because she feels safe in her Daddy's arms.

God, I want to have that child-like faith again. To start believing again in Your goodness and love and to live in that. 

pride rock is eroding

Our senior nurse had to manage the other ward with no nurse on duty so she left our ward since there were 2 of us "contractual" nurses on duty. We had the head nurse on the other ward as our senior nurse. I am not in good terms with that sir (I don't know why) because there was this one incident wherein my senior nurse didn't report on duty so he was a nurse-reliever in the ward and he didn't even go to check how our patients were; I didn't see a shadow of him for that 8 hours and it was a toxic day because we had a weak patient. So back to the story, sir was basically our nurse so we should report to him whatever incident happened in the ward. Our "original" senior nurse always checked on us and we reported to her the "significant" events in the ward. It was 12:50pm when one of our patient slipped and hit her right elbow on the tiled bench at the pantry. Our original nurse was in the ward that time so we told her about the accident and instructed us on what to do. We referred the patient to the physician on duty through phone and he instructed us to make an accident report and bring the patient's chart to him and to just observe the patient. We accomplished the report and was on our way to sir when one of our attendants called our attention and told us to hand her the chart immediately because the van she called was already there. We gave her the chart and she went to the physician. We were hesitant if we should inform sir because we didn't have the report and the chart but in the end we did because he's still our senior nurse. We went to his ward and told him about the accident. He was a bit shocked that everything was almost done - the report, referral, doctor's order. Fast forward. The attendant came back with the chart and doctor's order in it. I carried out the order while my partner decked the order. Sir read the report and told me to add this and that (accident report accomplished. proper authorities notified). I was hesitant because in our training, the assistant chief nurse told us that those are not needed because that paper is already the accident report and that it is understood that the report would be sent to proper authorities since it has the patient's informant's address on it. I wanted to told him that but I know it's just my pride that I didn't want to look wrong. I added what he said but I was really $^%$%# (couldn't think of a word). My pride was hurt; I looked like an incompetent fool and I knew that I was right. I really didn't like the feeling and I was in rage deep down. I didn't hate sir but I didn't like him at all. He gave me cold shoulders (and I don't know why! poor eye contact noted!) and I felt like he displaced to me whatever issue he has. There was so much anger and pride in my heart. I said things about him which were disrespectful and inappropriate. I was mad, really mad because my right was violated or so I thought.

Fast forward.

I was having my quiet time with God and I was still bothered and couldn't let go of what happened. Then God convicted me and revealed that there's so much pride in my heart. I think too much of myself, think too highly of myself that I felt violated.
God reminded me that it's Jesus who lives in me and it's not me anymore so I should stop focusing on myself. It was hard to accept. Me? a proud person? ang bait ko kaya sabi ng madami. Tsaka tama naman ako e.. But God told me, "O anu yan? Hindi ba pagiging proud yan?"  It was a blow in the face. I profess that I am a follower of Christ but I don't live His life.
I asked God to strip me off my pride and to help me unload my anger, to help me forgive sir and myself and to let it go, to surrender this to Him.
Right now I don't know if I arrived to that place where I totally let go of this incident's baggage on the Cross but I really want to. I think I can only know that when I see him tomorrow.

I am amazed at how God loves. He sees my heart, every nook and cranny of my being. I am in awe at how Jesus can live in me with all these junks. But then as I am writing this, God reminded me that He redeemed me through Jesus' blood and that Jesus' righteousness is what He sees in me. Yes He knows every detail of me, every part of me, but he loves me.

In response to His love, I want to live for God, really live for God. It won't be easy; it is impossible. I've accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior since I was young and my journey's not all smooth. There were bumps, uphills, and downhills but as I looked back I saw how God was with me through all those. I am still standing today because of His grace and goodness. He is with me. Jesus is in me.

Psalm 8:3-4

When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place, 

what is mankind that you are mindful of them,

    human beings that you care for them?

Kite

Where are thee oh butterflies?

I miss the butterflies in the stomach. Do they die due to gastric acid? Do they burn their wings and cease to flutter?

My lovely friends have crushes. They smile whenever they see their crush and they smile even more when their crush smiled back at them. I envy them, really. I miss the feeling of being infatuated, waiting for someone to pass in front of you, the thrill you get when trying to capture his attention, the awkward moment when you look pretty stupid in front of him. Just being crazy and young :)

crossing to love

We graduated from In-service training yesterday. By 6pm we were packing our certificates and bags and leaving the hall. Half of our group decided to go to mall to unwind and relax. Our "least-liked" (sorry for the term) groupmate went with us to the mall. At first almost all of us wanted him to leave because we wanted a girl bonding but we couldn't drive him away. He went all the way to the mall with us and besides, he's our groupmate though almost everyone in our group doesn't want to bond with him. One of my friend/groupmate stood up for love's sake. She persuaded us to let him join since he was already there and to give him a chance to bond with us. We were hesitant at first but we couldn't just leave him..alone; he had so much of that already. So we dropped off the idea of leaving him and just try to enjoy the day. Yesterday was really ok. No harm or violation was done and it was fun. He didn't spoil the day. I realized that you really can't go wrong with love. When you do things with love, you won't have regrets no matter how things turned out.

Jesus did everything with love when He was here on Earth and He didn't regret what He did. He became man and died on the cross because He loves us.

 

John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

Jesus' life shouts a life of love. The world is in need of love and it's a sin not to love 'cause Jesus commands it - to love. 

Loving the lovable is not hard but loving the unlovable seems impossible! They get on your nerves and ruin your day but we have to love them anyway. Who deserves love? No one. Love is not something one gains out of the good things he's done. Love is given not to the beautiful, nice, and talented. Love is freely given. Love is unconditional.

I was really convicted yesterday. How I acted yesterday didn't glorify God. I was a hypocrite telling people to love but not acting upon it.

We owe the world love. It's not enough that we know theology, we must act on what we believe. We need God's grace to love.