The Man who Climbs

I met a man who climbs almost half a year ago. It was the time when butterflies long abandoned my stomach and instead of colorful wings, acids and fats lurked in my stomach.

He was introduced to me by a colleague because he had worked with him before. He is the shy, laid-back type of gent. He looked like a child stuck in that body of boulders. His eyes were round and glistening and his smile, contagious. It was my third day in the area but our first day meeting. He toured me around, just the two of us walking in the hallway. It was a tranquil night where only our footsteps and a few snores and scratching of bedsheets could be heard aside from his soft, masculine voice and my short timid responses. I described it to my friends as "tour around the world" where you just want to savor the moment, every step, every word, and every glance. I don't know when I started to like him but it could be traced to that fateful night.

After the tour, we settled inside the station. We sat next to each other and he taught me things about work. After a brief orientation, he showed me his feel-at-home supplies. He had containers of coffee and sugar, packs of creamer, teaspoons, and even offered me his mug to drink on. He told me to just get what I want, to feel at ease. Every night, we talked about random things like life, family, his adventures, our dreams (separately) and little on relationships and love. He used to read newspaper articles at the station. I usually sat in front of him and wrote notes. Conversation was always present. I told him about me working as a part-time tutor before being hired at the hospital. He asked me what I teach and how I handle the kids, if I get annoyed or pissed if they're being brats. Then I would ask him about his work experience. After an hour or two of conversing, he would go to the other room to rest.

There was this one night when I was counting the tablets and capsules and he was reading a newspaper beside me. We talked about relationships. Then there was this awkward moment of silence. No one spoke or tried to open a new topic after my short "ah" response. I continued counting and he continued reading. It was awkward and no one dared to break the silence for a few seconds. Then he stood from his chair and went to get/check something in the cabinet and took the initiative to start a new topic. It was awkward enough for me to want to disappear from my seat but good thing he cut the string of dead air.

I was awkward, he was too. I used to like him. He likes someone else.

I learned some things from that one month. It's to enjoy the present, be thankful for what is there but never holding it tight, to move on and to accept, to let go. :) 
I learned to climb. Climb and conquer my mountains of self-doubts and second best. I may be bruised but the view was breathtaking.  

They don't speak French, do they?

I once admired a young lad my age. He was quite tall for our age, quite handsome and quite dark. His smile was sparkling and his eyes had so much life. He was quiet around girls but boisterous among boys, a typical man-wannabe. He didn’t mingle much with girls and his company was boys, always, until I came (ehem!). He was a mystery to me at first that’s why I asked God that we become close. We became seatmates and found a lot of similarities with each other. He was nice and cool. He liked to tease me and we always talked. He would compete with me academically. He even offered me lollipops which I declined because everybody’s looking. He searched for me with a few classmates and teachers when I was left during our field trip because another classmate of ours asked me to accompany her to buy some souvenirs. We became an item at school; even the canteen staffs were teasing us, though nothing really developed because he liked his best friend’s crush. Our friendship lasted for a year.

Then highschool came; everything in my primary years was left behind. There’s this boy who mistook me for a boy. We talked about games and animes and even dissected a frog together where I acted the masculine role. He even went to our house to play video games with my brother. We were also almost an item at our class. Even our teachers teased us. It was nothing for us and our closeness only lasted for a year.

College came. I joined youth gatherings in our church. I met this guy who’s 2 years older than me. He was for me, my knight in shining braces. He always said the right words in a non-romantic way, of course. He’s beyond friendly (well, for me) and would initiate conversation. It felt light whenever I was talking to this guy though butterflies were residing and fluttering their wings in my stomach. I would stutter and flush and smile unconsciously. He’s such a gentleman. Yes, I liked this man and even shed tears for reason I’m too lazy to elaborate here. I liked him to the point of avoiding him. I was scared of being rejected. And so, this didn’t last also. We didn’t become close. Duties, homeworks, and exams made me too busy to attend the youth gatherings. Now, I haven’t seen him for months.  

Board exam was nearing and I met this young man during the review. He was super friendly and also wore braces but he’s not a knight. He’s a year younger than me. I saw him transform from a rain-drenched boy to a warm man. He was nice but something didn’t fit. He’s like a fuzzy elephant. I considered him as friend and was never aware or denied the fact that he liked me more than that. He liked me but I never knew about it until he left. Yes, he left and I lost a friend. He was the melodramatic but jumpy type of guy. He’s also one heck of a gentleman.

Among these gents in my life, there’s this one that I met when I was around 7 years old. He, to me that age, was my superhero whom I can always go to and tell him about the villains at school and I am certain that he will come to my rescue and kick the bad guys’ butts! Then he became my friend, a very close friend. I would cry to him, laugh with him, be a crazy child with him. There are days when I would feel he left me for someone who needed him more or someone who’s nicer than I am; there are days when I would get tampo with him; and some days when I am just too lazy to have a cup of tea with him. When I first cried because of heartbreak, he was there and offered a shoulder. When I didn’t pass the admission exam for a certain university, he was there telling me there’s something better ahead. When my professors scolded me and slapped the word “idiot” on my face, he was there, holding me in his arms. He's always there. He didn't leave me nor turn his back on me when the whole world did. He stayed and stays. He's my superhero, my bestfriend, my lover, my comforter, my counselor, my provider, my shepherd, my Savior, my Lord and my God, Jesus; He's everything.

Jesus is closer to you than you think. He's not a distant or seasonal God. He's with you and in you.

Friends, don't search for security and love in the wrong places. Look at Jesus and let yourself rest in His love. Jesus is not hard to reach. He loves having conversations with us. Have inside jokes with Him, cry to Him, Jesus can take them all :)

 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:15