Wreck it or Fix it?

"Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm a good guy. Cause, if that little kid likes me...How bad can i be? " 

Wreck It Ralph

 

I am a 22-turning-23-year-old lass. I work in a hospital for more than a year, a year and a month as a trainee with close supervision from my seniors and already 3 months now as a regular staff, employed and training trainees, hopefully that’s what I am doing because that’s what I am supposed to do.

So here’s the thing: basically I’m not new to my job but half of the work I do is not-so-fitted for a regular staff. What I mean is, I stammer, get frantic about almost everything, forget things, am scared of the seniors and trainees, am always nervous, and so on. So yeah, I think I’m basically unlikeable because of the things I do. I am generally not the hero in the game.

So that’s my thought lately.

Then I watched Wreck-It Ralph. And it dawned on me that I’m Wreck-It Ralph trying to be Fix-It Felix! I am trying to go against the system. I want the role of another player!

Spoiler alert!

My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see...I'm 9 feet tall, I weigh 643 pounds, got a bit of a temper on me. My passion level's very near the surface, I guess, not gonna lie. Anyhoo, what else, uh... I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. Thing is, fixing's the name of the game. Literally. Fix-It Felix Jr. So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you will not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But, are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, ha! And no, there aren't. For thirty years I have been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go. It's sad. Think about those guys atAsteroids? Boom, gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it.

Ralph is a wrecker, that’s his job and mind you, he’s been wrecking things for three decades. In a game, we hiss at the sight of the villain and we want him defeated right away. But the bad guy is not actually a bad guy. That’s just his role. No one wants to be the last option, the unlikeable, the monster everybody despises. There’s this Bad-Anon in the movie where villains confess their feelings about being always the bad guy and never the good guy praised by people. Here we see Ralph having the same struggle. He wants to prove his worth. He wants the Nicelanders to see that he plays the big part in the game, not just someone who wrecks things and needs to be defeated every single time. Ralph sees Felix fixing things and people bringing him pies and inviting him to parties because he’s programmed to be the good guy. It’s not the role he chose but the role given to him. Ralph longs to have that same affection and acceptance from people he’s been with for three decades.

Ralph then went to different games to earn that shiny gold medal that he thinks will give him the pass to a life he always wanted – living in the penthouse with the Nicelanders. He got a medal from a game not his; he caused trouble – big trouble. Everyone was disturbed. Along the story, Ralph met Vanellope, a glitcher (meaning she’s not supposed to be in the game, an accident waiting to happen) from Sugar Rush. She got/snatched his precious medal for her to participate in the race that will give her a chance to be included in the game. 

 

Okay I won’t spoil everything.

 

Fast froward. Felix went to Sugar Rush to find Ralph for their game not to be plugged out. Felix was caught and imprisoned in the King’s castle. In his cell, the iron bars were dwindling. He could free himself. He pound the iron bars with his hammer and he finally broke free...NOT! The iron bars became sturdier and bigger in diameter! He fixes things, remember?

A series of events happened. Ralph was able to save Vanellope and the Sugar Rush game. In the end, Ralph still wrecks the building and still sleeps on the dump but he finally get what he always wanted - acceptance.

 

Ralph wrecks things, Felix fixes them.  They both have different roles and they’re both important.

 Some things need to be broken to be fixed. And some needs to be broken real bad to realize that it needs fixing big time.  

I break things; I am good at it. And I break easily, I am vulnerable and I take pride in that because in being so I know I am alive, more than just breathing and heart pumping. 

I realized I don't actually need a golden, shiny medal to be loved. I don't need achievements and recognitions that I wanted so badly to belong. I am loved and liked by God regardless of this world's so-called medals. Finally I can say:

Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm accepted. Cause, if Jesus likes and loves me...what more can I ask? 

little HIGH, little low..hello Highschool!

I know my title is boring and corny but who cares? I want it that way haha

First day of high school put me in a clutter. Who wouldn't? It was my first time studying in a government school and that is not just a school. You have to fight your way through to finish until the end. Before entering, I have heard countless stories of students being kicked out, of hundreds of sleepless nights they have to endure, of thousands of bucks their parents have to spend for a project, of hours and hours straining their neck reading and memorizing or doing homework. It felt to the 13-year old me that the moment I stepped into the school grounds was the moment I stepped in a fun-sipping lair, taking all the fun out from a teenager and imprisoning her to books and geometry and history. (Well, I love/fascinated with history! And biology's my favorite.) I dreaded being suffocated with facts and numbers and equations and signs, and even following me in my dreams. I was used to studying 'til my brain explodes but not being pressured. In short, high school freaked me out.

And so the first day came. I knew a handful of classmates but they were just acquaintances. I remember not talking to my seatmate. We both faced the opposite direction. My classmate near us was laughing at us. Then we were asked to get a small piece of paper (1/8) and to write something I forgot. I handed my seatmate a small paper but we still didn't talk that day. It was hilarious, I tell you. My laughing classmate still remembers it up to this day. That's my only clear memory of my first day.

I remember our multipurpose green skirt. It can be used to sweep and shine the corridor floor or as a dressing room before CAT. You can also use it as a linen to lie on. Or you can use it simply as a skirt. :)

I remember our precious fingers. They are used to take all 10 stones in one hand or do "tuldok" and "around the world" to win the class tournament of Jackstone. They can also hold precious gems to defeat the gruesome opponents in "Pusoy Dos" tournament. I remember our class having a new name, the RP2, short for Republika ng Pusoy 2 because in every corner of the room, you can see students having Pusoy Dos tournament. We even go home late just to finish the tournament. We had this game where my friend had the aces and twos but she still lost (haha!). And of course, we use our fingers to copy endless notes, design our notebooks like a journal, type numbers on calculator or multiply numbers using them, and answer brain-draining exams.

Mini boodle fight was never absent in high school or maybe in my case. When you have food, you share it (even if you don't want to haha). I remember always packing 2 servings for lunch because my classmates would share with my baon. They would sometimes get the best part! haha! There were classmates who would roam around the room collecting viands and they would return to their seat with a fiesta-like lunch on one of the other student's box lid. There's a saying, "When you have a jug, everybody gulps."

 

And there's our sturdy flagpole. We used it as one of the bases in Outan Base / Moro-moro. Moro-moro is one of the class games. It is fun and at the same time, a very serious game. People got injured and went home with abrasions on palms and wrecked jogging pants and blood-stained knees. We also played Marco Polo, Stop!. It is a physical game and needs balance, flexibility, and presence of mind. Yes we smelled awful but who cares? We had fun and the time was ours!

Our minds exercised their creativity in designing our armchairs. Yes, armchairs! During the first week of the school year, we were given time to decorate our armchair. We put pictures, doodled words, covered it with cartolina, glitters, anything we want, then we put plastic cover for protection. Yes, we treasured our armchairs very much!

We also had a reading nook. The back part of our classroom was decorated to look like a mini library. Ours had plant pots and a trailway! We had all sorts of books that we rarely touched any of them for fear that the pages may tear! Most were old books. It was donated by who-know-who. I think we won the contest.

I think that's all for now. There's so much about high school that I want to share but this entry is getting looong!

-to be continued on another entry....hopefully :)

Adventure, can you hear me?

Adventure...does it exist?

I was watching a historical romantic Korean drama about a girl who disguises herself  as a boy to enter a prestigious school exclusively for, yes you guessed it right, boys. Her desire to learn and to change her life drove her to do such act. In the drama, our heroine encounters many challenges - triumphs and defeats. But a protagonist is never alone. She has 3 young lads along with her in her adventures inside the school and in life. There, I said it. Adventure. That word popped into my mind while watching the drama. Her life's full of adventures..not a dull minute. Well yes because it's fiction but still I want to believe real lives are more colorful than what we see in dramas.

And so a question was raised. Adventure? Does it still exist? 

 After watching, I saw my dad downstairs on his usual place. He was sitting at the far end of the table facing his laptop watching videos/news. My dad used to have lots of adventures but not now. He stays at home, watches news, washes my uniforms, watches news, sometimes watches movies, finds job in the internet, and stays home most of the week. What is adventure for him?

I look at my life. Nothing seems to move and it's not also being still. It feels like I am stuck somewhere in this endless universe. My life seems to be in a box labeled "work". I spend 5 days a week working. Work is not hard, it not just it. I want to love what I do. I want to work in such a way that even if I'm not paid with a hefty amount, I would still work and give my 100% because I love it.

I think my life is plain. Adventure seems a far off destination I could not go.
But then I squeezed my brain to bring to surface my lost memoir of adventures.

As a kid, adventure was as simple as running along the corridor with your friends, collecting newspapers for school project, running in the rain, cheering for your team, cleaning the classroom, going to new places outside your city, boat ride in less than a minute, getting your dream clothes for a very low price, dissecting a frog, walking late on the street, discovering a personal space at school where only you know, sneaking to get a glimpse of your crush, and the list goes on.

As a kid, everything is an adventure. Where does that spirit go? I have yet to uncover. Hopefully I could find it again. Finding it seems like the start of an adventure, don't you think? :-)